Welcome to The Anti Ana

Welcome to the Anti Ana!

For a while now, I have been thinking about how my blog needed new life. I think I stopped posting on a regular basis because, well, my life got boring and normal, which is great. But no one wants to read stories about how I got my fiance a sweater at Kohl's for 83% off. (That's what qualifies as exciting for me, and I wouldn't have it any other way.)

But my current happiness and stability does not mean that I can't be an advocate. I still have all that experience behind me that I can use to maybe support someone else who is struggling today. After pondering what I could do via this blog, the idea of the Anti Ana was born.

Have you heard of pro-ana websites? They are horrible sites disguised as helpful and supportive communities of (mostly teenage and 20-something) girls trying to lose weight. In reality, they share awful tips on how to hide and fuel your eating disorder. Instead of encouraging each other to get help, they provide tips on how to purge, trick doctors, and alienate questioning friends.

I have told you all before how I used to be an active member on a few of these sites. Not proud to admit that. But now that I am in good health mentally and physically, I can see the damage it causes, and I want to help. My goal isn't to get these sites shut down or arrest the creators. I want to give these girls a safe place to go to for healthy alternatives to the harmful tips that they are receiving from their "friends" on the pro-ana sites. This is the Anti Ana.

Each blog post will feature one tip that floats around on those sites. Instead of berating anyone for trying it (lord knows I probably did), I will provide a healthy and effective alternative. No, I'm not an expert. But I have tried my fair share of dangerous weight loss techniques and have spent countless hours with professionals teaching me the safe way to sustain myself. I want to pass that on.

Sorry to all of you who enjoyed my late-night, psychotic rambling rants. Good times, huh? I won't be deleting them, so you can still reminisce by browsing through past posts. Have fun!

I hope that this new (and improved?) version of my blog finds its way to girls in need.

"How to Become Anorexic"

 Morbid curiosity gets the best of me sometimes. I like to delve deeper into topics that make me feel uncomfortable, as illustrated by many a blog post that I have written.

Well, remember this blog post? I decided to explore things a little further. If my humble little blog is getting thousands of hits from people who I assume are suffering, looking for the bright side of their dark situation, whatever it may be, via the soft glow of a non-judgmental computer, what is all of Google getting?

Ask, and you shall receive, no matter how dismal, dark, and depraved, when it comes to the world wide web. I took to Google Trends to plug in a couple keywords. After researching the Google stats on some highly important terms, such as my full name and a few phrases that would probably get my AdSense account revoked, I got down to business.

"Anorexia" is a highly searched word. As are phrases, such as "symptoms of anorexia." No surprise there. But the volume at which they are searched meant nothing to me unless I had something compare it to. And these were my awful findings:

"How to become anorexic" skyrockets over "How to recover from anorexia." How ridiculously heartbreaking is that?! The searches for recovery are barely a blip on the radar. 

To make it even worse, there is a lower section, that I did not take a screenshot of, that lists other relevant searches. Under "how to become anorexic," there were a dozen other top searches, such as "become anorexic fast," "how to not eat," and "anorexia tips."

Under "how to recover from anorexia," it gravely said: Not enough search volume to show results.

People aren't even googling the topic of recovery enough to put it on Google's map. Granted, this was not the most scientific study that has even been performed, but it spoke pretty loud and clear to me that more people want to become anorexic than recover from it.

Why? 

Why is society still glorifying the deadliest psychiatric disorder? 

How many people heading to the internet for tips on how to feed their anorexia never lived to ask for help? 

What needs to change before people will stop treating asking for help as weakness or shameful?

These are not rhetorical questions. 

I'm on a Drug Called Life!

I thought about going back to count just how many of my blog posts were mostly me bitching and moaning about my drugs. I think rounding to an even 50 out of my 63 is sufficient to make my point, yes?

So, umm, sorry about that. Even I was rolling my eyes when I looked them over.

Thankfully, all that is over! And it has been for about 6 months. In a pretty risky move back in October or November, I weaned myself off those nasty pills. All of them, save for the Loraz and the Ambien. Rather speedily, I should add. Whoops.

This was back when I had been stable for 9 months or so. This was back when I had started my grown-up career. I couldn't afford, financially or emotionally, to not function appropriately. Those pills, those damn pills, either had me slugging along, having to coax each foot every time I took a step. Thanks, Risperdol. Or, per my doc`s remedy, I was tripping over my words, unable to make my tongue keep up with my mind. Not so great when the majority of my job included talking to people and giving presentations.

That was my Adderall experience, which will be elaborated on later. Seriously, why do people like that crap?

Anywho, I am, for the most part, drug free. And yes, it is everything I was hoping for and more. I get happy, sad, angry. My creative energy makes an appearance every now and again. And, the best part, I know that I am in control, not being controlled.