Uncomfortably Numb

I should be happy. I am happy. Well, I'm not sad. OK, maybe I'm a little sad. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and that never ends well for me. Topic of the Week: I hate my meds.

• I feel flat all the time. I can't get excited about anything. Anything. And it takes something drastic for me to feel more than just uncomfortable. It takes someone dying for me to feel sadness. It takes a total escape from my life for me to feel happiness. I'm always uncomfortably in the middle.
• I blame the meds for the 10 pounds I've gained these past 6 months.
• My motivation is dead. Which means my house is never as clean as I want it to be. Which means I don't get off my ass to exercise. Which means I am not making as much money as I used to. Which means I am not happy with myself.
• I've lost my creativity.
• Every morning, I wake up like a goddamn drugged zombie.
• I don't think I would make it through grad school, or even a full time job, with this attitude.
• Again, I miss my creative streak. It defined me. It described me. But it's left me. So what am I?

Like now, I can't even get out the words to describe how I'm feeling. I feel like every word I'm saying is dull and meaningless. I feel like no two sentences flow together. Writing used to be my thing. And now it feels like another language. Maybe not a foreign language, but one that I'm no longer fluent in.

Dull and meaningless. Yup, that pretty much covers it.

But what do I do about it? Go off my meds, and pray I don't end up in the hospital again? Start the awful process over of experimenting with different drugs? Wait it out and see if this uncomfortable purgatory passes? 

Those all sound like lovely options. Ugh. But I won't do any of them. I suppose I'll do it the right way. I'll talk to my doctor about it while I begrudgingly swallow my pills twice a day. Maybe I'll see a ray of light after my appointment next week.

Is there anything in between going crazy and being flat?